Women & Violence

 "Manners maketh man" - "Dressed to the Nines" There are lots of idioms about how you look & how you behave. Mostly reflections of a different era. How we look & behave sends out messages about us to others. Those messages can be unconcious & unintended.

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/clothes-and-fashion-phrases.html

Things have gone very wrong when a so called civilised society routinely hears about violence against women. I include physical, verbal & emotional abuse within that. Women want to be safe. They do not want to be seen as victims or fair game. They do not want to have to dress in a certain way to avoid being a target for men. (The Handmaid's Tale). In fact neither age or sober clothes protect women from attack. Women should be equal, but they are not. 

If you are interested in the statistics read this: -  

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/explainers-56365412

What makes a man an abuser? " Men who commit domestic violence may be found among a larger pool of men with poor problem-solving skills, but in addition they appear to have borderline-antisocial personality traits, certain types of hostility, and histories of abuse as children that may predispose them to become violent with their female companions" - National Library of Medicine.

Domestic abusers:

• Are controlling
• Are manipulative
• Believe that men have a pre-ordained right to be in charge of all aspects of a relationship
• Often see themselves as victims

https://www.verywellmind.com/domestic-abuse-why-do-they-do-it-62639 

If we ask what makes a man abuse women we also have to ask if there are traits which predispose women to become victims. There is a theory that it is a womans strengths which can be a factor.

1. She puts the needs of others before her own.
2. She makes a commitment & she sticks to it. Faithful.
3. She takes responsibility for herself and those around her - integrity.
4. She is generous—giving more than she takes and doing it with pleasure.
5. She is kind and compassionate. Empathy
6. She is intuitive. Sensitive to the emotional environment around her. She picks up on tone and body language, and she adjusts her approach accordingly.
7. She is forgiving. 
8. She is patient and long-suffering. She will endure the attacks of her partner, Believing in his potential as a human being.
9. She is courageous. She survives the rejection of her love and the dehumanization of her spirit,
10. She is resourceful even though she is offered only criticism and rejection in return.
11. She doesn’t want to betray her abuser. She is loyal 

This is a very complex area. We have to be really careful not to make generalised assumptions. Everyone needs to understand the psychosocial dynamics of this worldwide trend of abuse & violence towards women. Women are suffering and dying every day. Periodically there is a blizzard of media coverage of a dreadful event. But nothing really changes - except the statistics seem to get worse.

Possibly the solution lies in education, poverty, poor parenting skills, disfunctional families. I don't know. The abusers come from all strata of social class. There is information out there.

https://opdv.ny.gov/professionals/abusers/genderandipv.html

But we simply cannot accept this as normal.