The current furore about sexual harassment is worryingly very close to "Trial by Media". Since when are people accused of crimes stripped of awards, made to resign & made into social pariahs overnight? Who gives the media the right to be judge & jury & sway public opinion to the extent that lives are completely ruined?
That isn't to say that I don't completely abhor the sexual harassment, which frankly, is routine in womens lives. I'm 72. I don't believe that there is a woman of my age who hasn't had to put up with sexual harassment of one sort or another in their lives, usually on a regular basis until they reach a certain age.
There is an general acceptance that "boys will be boys" & drunk "boys" will be at the least a pain in the backside - literally sometimes & at worst cause women to be seriously worried about their safety. It has been like that for as long as I can remember. It's the age old women are "whores or madonnas" & there are a lot more whores who are "asking for it" than madonnas who are more of a challenge.
We need to differentiate between the levels of unwanted invasion of our bodies & personal space. At the bottom of the scale is touching. I went to see a film with friends this week & touched N's knee at least twice. I don't think he minded, but in this febrile atmosphere that is classed as assault. Personally I think thats plain silly. But the husband of a friend, who put his hand up my skirt when I had a dinner party, when I was much younger & reasonably attractive, is a different matter entirely. I was shocked but I ignored it. He gambled, rightly, that I wouldn't make a fuss because I wouldn't want to cause his wife embarrasment.
I've never been raped, thank goodness, but I have had much more serious attentions when I have been drunk. I didn't know how to deal with it. I think alcohol plays a big part in this. Both men and women need to realise just how much alcohol changes your ability to make good choices. It supresses psychological inhibitions, slows reaction times & impairs memory. We will all do things when drunk that we wouldn't do sober. I've never been involved with drugs, but I imagine they have a similar effect on behaviour & addicts will do a lot to get more.
If a predatory man stimulates arousal in his victims erogenous zones they will not be thinking & acting wisely, their body will take over & they will be very vulnerable. A man who habitually harasses women, or men, will know just how to manipulate his victim. A serial perpetrator will have this down to a fine art - it's all about power. Power to make someone do something they don't want to & wouldn't normally do.
The thing is there should be an open discussion about this & how we deal with it effectively both individually & as a society. We need a change of culture & we need sanctions which are effective.
Like smoking in public places & drink driving - it needs to become openly discussed and made totally unacceptable.
By the way boys, don't imagine that this has anything to do with mutual attraction or flirting - It doesn't. There's a difference.
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