Anniversary

Today is the day that life as I knew it stopped 2 years ago. It's the day David died, on what would have been our 43rd wedding anniversary. In the end he never recovered from the coma he had been in for 13 days, resulting from his fall from the roof. In the end he died naturally, if you can call being hooked to various machines in intensive care natural. I didn't have to give the word to switch life support off, the chest infection got him first. I felt he made the decision about when & how to die.

I wasn't with him. The transplant team had suggested I went off to get some fresh air after lunch because nothing could happen till 6pm when the operating theatres in Frenchay & Birmingham would be free from routine surgery for the organ harvest. I had been there since first thing in the morning to do all the organ donation paperwork. Mid afternoon I was just about as far away as it was possible to walk when they phoned to say I should come straight back. He had suddenly taken a turn for the worse. By the time I got to his bedside he had died.

It's very odd, because although he, as in his personality, hadn't been there since the fall, in death it was different. It was just a body he had left - finally. I had so wanted to be with him. I had so wanted there to be something good which came out of a stupid & careless accident & we had both registered as donors. But David was a very shy, unassuming & private person, in many ways a loner. Again I felt strongly that he had wanted to leave quietly, without fuss & without me having to turn off the machines.

People always thought that I was the dominant one. More outgoing than he was, yes. But he was the one who quietly made the decisions. He didn't believe in discussing things. He didn't believe in consensus. He knew what he wanted & by an large it happened. He knew right from wrong & he lived by that. He was kind and considerate. He was rarely emotional, he hardly ever lost his temper, but he also didn't broadcast his love. He was a really good friend, husband & father & I miss him - literally every single day.

Last year I emailed everyone to ask them to remember David & send me a memory of him for Maryon & the twins. This year I'm doing this blog. Next year I'm going to try not to put all the dates in my diary. So these are the dates:-


June 27th 2009 - In the morning David fell from a ladder up to the roof onto the
concrete in front of the kitchen at Savitri.
July 9th 2009 - Our 43rd wedding anniversary. David died after being in a coma.
July 18th 2009 - David's funeral.
July 19th 2009 - David's 67th Birthday.