Trumps Behaviour & the Nobel Peace Prize.

I can dislike your behaviour intensely, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I dislike you, or think you are a bad person. Why am I thinking that? Because of Trump, the Gaza ceasefire & the Nobel Peace Prize. In actual fact, in Trumps case, I do dislike him - a lot. I certainly don't think he is a good person. But I can only judge him on his behaviour, because I am never likely to meet him. 

I was quite surprised at the 1895 criteria for the Peace Prize - "the person who, in the preceding year, shall have done the most, or the best work, for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses". This seems to me to be surprisingly narrow. 

There have always been controversial winners - Shimon Peres who developed Israels nuclear capability & was arguably a war criminal, also Henry Kissinger who was notorious for his devastating bombing campaign against Cambodia for example. 

 

There have also been notable omissions - Mahatma Ghandi & the Dalai Lama stand out. 

This years winner Maria Corida Machado is a Venezuelan opposition politician & activist who played a leading part in organising demonstrations against Maduro's dictatorship, which is characterised by electoral fraud, serious human rights abuses, rampant corruption & severe economic hardship. Opposing Maduro in a country like Venezuela takes balls. She is in her 40's & has 3 children. In my view that makes her very brave.

So where does Trump come in the list of those bidding for recognitian as peace makers?  According to the White house he has brokered peace between Azerbaijan and Armenia, Cambodia and Thailand, Israel and Iran, Rwanda, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, India & Pakistan, Egypt & Ethiopia, Serbia & Kosovo & the Abraham Accords. According to BBC Verify those claims really don't stand up. A ceasefire isn't lasting peace as the Palestinians & Israelis may well discover. 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y3599gx4qo 

He actively lobbies to get the prize & is so narcissistic that he thinks it's a done deal. He didn't actually write the current ceasefire agreement between Israel & Palestine. The proposal was first drafted by mediators from the United States, Egypt, and Qatar, accepted by Hamas on 5 May 2024, and presented by U.S. president Joe Biden on 31 May. On 10 June, the United Nations Security Council supported it as Resolution 2735. He's a bully too.

But my opposition to even considering him for a Noble peace prize is even more than that. He was impeached for inciting a mob to storm the Capitol building because he lost the election to Biden saying: "if you don't fight like hell you're not going to have a country anymore". He has never conceded that Biden won. Incitement is not a crime under the First Amendment unless it meets certain criteria. So he got away with it. He uses aggressive, divisive, and dehumanizing language, which is hateful against racial, ethnic, and religious minorities.

I rest my case.  

 

Blame & Grievance

I think we all have a tendency to blame someone or something when things go wrong. It's easier to feel that someone or something is more responsible than we ourselves are. It's a defence mechanism. We avoid negative feelings & try to stop feeling anxiety, Or, conversely, we try to feel a sense of superiority. This may temporarily provide a sense of control or self-protection. Blaming is typically a cognitive distortion that hinders personal growth, prevents emotional regulation, and can lead to resentment and damaged relationships. Basically it's not good for us.

Grievance stems from a real or perceived wrong, hardship, or injustice suffered in life. Something we feel is unfair. I've just been watching "The Count of Monte Christo" by Alexander Dumas. Not a classic that I have read, but perhaps I should. It's an epic tale of suffering, betrayal, escape, adventure, and retribution. The thing is, however the justified the "hero's " grievance is, does it validate the repercussions of his actions on people who had no part in the original heinous act? Also is the effect of harbouring the grievance on the "hero" worth the outcome?

Negative emotions, e.g. anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, guilt, jealousy, apathy & disust, can have negative effects on us. They can eat away at us & cause physical harm if they don't motivate us to change our situation or find solutions to problems. We need to address the underlying causes of negative emotions in order to develop better coping strategies and grow personally. 

Emotions are complex physical and mental responses, involving physiological changes, thoughts, and behavioral reactions, created in the brain. Healthy expression of emotions improves interpersonal communication. The problem is when people aren't able to communicate well & express emotion appropriately. 

All too often we see inappropriate emotional reactions to situations. We seem to have lost our filter, that inner voice that tells us when we have overstepped the mark. When we have gone too far & done more harm than good. 

What we say is as powerful & can be as harmful as what we do. We all need to pause & think before speaking & acting.

 

  

In Sickness and in Health?

I've got a torn tendon in my right hand & I've had to do a lot of chasing to get anything done about it. It seems that hand clinics & much else have all been outsourced to a private company called CORA. After waiting nearly 3 weeks for an appointment & trying to navigate a dreadful website, I finally phoned them. The woman I spoke to was really helpful & emailed me a "choose & book" form. The Oxford clinic had no appointments at all, Bicester & Banbury had 6 month waits. So I've had to choose Reading which has a 3 month wait. That's despite the GP saying the referral was urgent. I'm right handed, so the impact of the damage is difficult to deal with.

It brought home how the NHS is struggling. This isn't life threatening. Fortunately it isn't excruciatingly painful any more, but I can't put any pressure on with the palm of my hand & the hand is permanently at an angle & very stiff. So washing & dressing, making the bed & washing up for example, are really difficult. When I swim I have to have it splinted & dread someone knocking my hand. My osteopath thinks it might need surgery.

The median wait time for planned hospital treatment in England is 13.3 weeks, according to the latest NHS data from June 2025. I'm assuming that means the first consultation, not actual treatment. The pre-pandemic average was 7.3 weeks in 2019. Apparently trauma & orthopaedics has the highest number of patients on the waiting list, with over 800,000 people waiting in March 2024. So I'm not alone.

I'm doing what I can, I can afford my osteopath who is very good. Swimming helps because I do back crawl which means the water resists the hand & pushes it back a bit. I've bought a gel fidgit ball which feels like squeezing a silicone boob! But my concern is what sort of movement will I be left with after such a long wait to be seen, never mind actual treatment. I need an ultrasound scan to see exactly what the damage is.

But everything needs to be put into context - people are not being diagnosed in a timely way, they are  suffering a lot of pain & disability, some must be dying needlessly, because our health service isn't as good as it should be.

If we want the care we deserve the NHS has to improve the way it operates, (excuse the pun). But we too need to make clear that we want to fund it properly. The UK generally spends less per person on healthcare compared to other high-income European nations, such as France, Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, Austria, Denmark, Ireland, Norway, Sweden, and Switzerland. This is because other countries are wealthier than the UK, some make better political choices about health care & some make more efficient use of resources. 

There is room for improvement in the NHS, but it needs political will, taxpayers to pay more & the NHS to put it's organisation in order.

 

https://www.kingsfund.org.uk/insight-and-analysis/blogs/comparing-nhs-to-health-care-systems-other-countries 

 

Price & Value

The price of everything has gone up over recent years;- Food inflation 5.1% - (e.g. beef, butter, milk, and chocolate) / Housing costs - mortgage interest and property maintenance, rental costs up 6.2% / Motor fuels / Services 4.7%. Inflation is caused by global demand & supply chain issues, high energy prices, & wage growth & labour costs. We all know what price means, it's literally the cost of living. The UK has had price inflation for all of the time that its price levels have been officially measured and reported. Between 2021-2023 inflation was historically high, reaching a 41-year peak. 

Inflation has significantly affected poverty in the UK by raising the costs of essential goods, particularly for low income households, who spend a larger proportion of their income on food & energy. This disproportionately impacted them, leading to a significant drop in their real incomes, increased material deprivation, and a rise in food insecurity. 

What is value though? The regard something deserves, it's importance, worth or usefulness? The estimate of the monetary worth of something? Our judgement of what is important in life - e.g. principles or standards? What value do you put on a human life?

Currently there are major conflicts (wars) in Ukraine / Russia, Israel / Palestine, Yemen, Sudan & Myanmar. The cost of those wars is counted in global military spending, direct financial suport & supply chain disruption costs. But there is more than a simple monetary cost. There is also the cost in terms of loss of life & injury, displacement & health, and the psychological & cultural cost for both sides of any war. On top of all of that there is the infrastructure damage, environmental damage & serious curtailment of civil liberties. 

As an example the monetary cost to Ukraine is thought to be £524 billion to the end of 2024. For Russia it is thought to be $450 billion, with Western sanctions estimated to result in $1.3 trillion in economic losses by 2025.

What on earth are we doing? We certainly aren't thinking logically. If we were we would be counting the cost in terms of human life lost & environmental damage. According to the British Ministry of Defence, more than one million Russian troops have been killed or injured since the full-scale invasion of Ukraine began on 24 February 2022.

What is the point of it all? In the end there will have to be negotiated peace - until the next time some leader decides that he, & it is always he, wants more territory & more power. 

I can only conclude that some human beings simply have an apocalyptic death wish. 

 

Joy, Happiness & Contentment

Of these three I find it really difficult to decide which I experience. I'm not sure that I have truly experienced joy at all. I think that the closest I have come is travelling with my husband & walking in wonderful landscapes. What is joy? Supposedly it is great pleasure & happiness. A deep, internal sense of well being & contentment, independent of external circumstances, which lasts longer than fleeting happiness. It is rooted in an authentic life aligned with one's values, meaningful connections, and a profound inner sense of purpose or fulfillment, even in the face of suffering. 

That's a lot to ask of life. The obvious response to the question "when did you experience real joy", is the birth of a child or ones wedding day. For me, for very different reasons neither were joyous. 

Then there is happiness - a state of mind characterized by positive emotions, a sense of purpose, and a feeling of fulfillment, deep pleasure. Well, yes. I have felt those things. It has usually been relatively fleetingly though. I always mistrust people who seem to be overly happy with their life. In my experience life is a bumpy road, full of surprises & challenges. You have to grab happiness when it happens, because you always have to deal with sorrow & heartache too. I don't think that it is possible, in this world, to feel happy all the time. 

So that leaves me with contentment - being satisfied with ones life & circumstances. A sense of inner peace with what you have without constantly wanting more. A lasting feeling of fulfillment that is distinct from fleeting happiness, an appreciation for the present and a sense of completeness. I can live with that & be immensely grateful for it.

 

The main point of life, as I see it, is to try to do no harm. We all have an ego, a sense of our self esteem & self importance. Self esteem is important, we need to value ourseves. Self importance can be the route to all sorts of problems. Maybe if we thought of ourselves as a grain of sand we would get some perspective of our real importance & be more content with what we have.   

Who's In Charge?

I have long thought that if there were a more representative balance of the sexes in governments around the world, we might avoid much of the catastrophic power, testosterone, territorial & personal aggrandisment, decision making we have to tolerate. Worse, the repercussions of poor decision making, that seem to lead more and more to aggression & war. 

Women’s voices are simply not heard in the same way as men's. Women are told that they are too too assertive or organised. The word "too" is actually putting them down. We all have an "Inner Critic" voice, but I think it is louder in women. We tell ourselves that we are "too" something. We try try to adjust / adapt to other peoples expectations because we have “overstepped” them. Our other voice, the "Compassionate Friend" is silenced, because we want to be accepted as equal. Women can be too ready to accept other peoples opinion of them. Including other women, who aren't necessarily supportive. 

Women are, to a great extent, silenced by Capitalism & the Patriarchy. Many feminist & socialist analyses argue that capitalism exploits womens labour & devalues their care work. It creates a system that reinforces patriarchal norms & inequality. Capitalism relies on social constructs like gender to divide workers and generate profits, often pushing women into low-wage jobs while assigning them the unpaid burden of domestic and care work. Furthermore, the system's focus on profit can undermine social safety nets and access to essential services, leaving vulnerable women even more exposed and with fewer avenues to speak out against exploitation. Patriarchal societies often limit women's opportunities and decision-making power, resulting in gender-based discrimination and inequality. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem, and anxiety.

This can make women “less than” in the pecking order. Assertiveness is not tolerated, it's called aggression or an emotional reaction. The result is under representation of women in decision making. The hierarchy determines that men are in charge & set the rules. 

 

Women are more consensual, they actually listen & are prepared to change & give way. The question is, do we give way too much? I'm beginning to wonder whether it is possible to set group rules, which are determined by members, with no one as titular leader. 

 

The big difficulty is that once a leader is in control & has power, they are very unwilling to loose that. I do believe that organisations need limited terms of office. They need fresh blood, with different experience & new ideas, in order to change, as our world changes. Without that they become bogged down in a morass & are impossible to move or change for the better. 

 

Women have different experience & skills. We silence their voice to the detriment of everyone.

 

 

 

Duplicity & Cheating.

Human relationships are endlessly fascinating. We all have so many different motivations & ways of behaving. I sometimes wonder how well we understand ourselves & our own behaviour. But introspection is possibly not common to all. Many people simply react, emotionally, or just in their own best interest, regardless of the impact on others. If that were not true we wouldn't have wars. In order to be prepared to fight you have to be able to "other" the people you fight with. You can't see them as human beings.

Similarly in disagreements. If you can't accept that the person you disagree with has a right to their opinion, or possibly even a valid point, then you are arrogantly "othering" them. 

Duplicity is deceitful behaviour, speech or thoughts. Saying or doing one thing to one person & something different to another. It is "contradictory doubleness" of intent. In simple terms it is being "two faced". Cheating is deceptive actions to gain an unfair advantage. In relationships it is infidelity, not necessarily sexual, emotional too.

The older I get, the more I believe that we need to be more open & honest in our dealings with eachother. It seems to me that people are becoming more & more dogmatic about their beliefs & end up in "bunkers", often religious ones. Religion generally has a lot to answer for. But more & more, our behaviour & beliefs are being determined by the press, the media & social media. They are the new "religions".

  

How did we get to this point? I think that it started in 1979 when Thatcher came to power in the UK & Reagan followed in America in 1981. Thatcher was Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990. She presided over a social revolution in which nationally owned industries were privatised and the welfare state was drastically reduced in size. She famously said "they (people) are casting their problems on society and who is society? There is no such thing! There are individual men and women and there are families".

To my mind, that gave rise to the instant gratification, self centred, outlook we see so prevalent today. People are social animals. We need to find a way of working together for the good of all. There needs to be fairness & real justice, not the sham democracy we accept today. Everyone for themselves, if not checked, will lead to the complete breakdown of society as I have known it.   

Is Britain Working?

I seem to spend a lot of my time firefighting. Not literally of course. But I have an ongoing list of things that have gone wrong. There are three main issues - Firstly that tradespeople  / manufacturers don't do the job properly in the first place. Secondly getting something done about that in a timely fashion takes huge commitment & wastes a lot of the customers time. Thirdly communication is really bad. When there is good customer service, & it does happen, I am truly grateful & surprised. 

But it really should not be like that. Why isn't good customer service the norm?

I have an issue currently with my car. It had a major service & MOT at a Nissan dealership & quite a lot of expensive work was done in order to pass. I've had Nissan cars for years & always had them serviced at the same dealership. Afterwards there were a couple of intermittant faults, the brakes squeal & there is an odd noise when reversing. The car is going in tomorrow to have the rear suspension done - at quite a high cost again. In order for the service people to check out the intermittant noises they want to charge me well over a hundred pounds on top. I think that is unreasonable given the circumstances, but they won't budge. It used to be the case that I had an informal chat with the service engineer & there was no diagnostic charge when the car was in for something else.

I had solar panels installed by Octopus earlier this year costing thousands. The Enphase gateway went wrong relatively soon afterwards. There was nothing wrong with my wifi & the App procedure didn't work. Eventually they admitted it was their fault & it was rectified remotely. Weeks ago it went wrong again. Same problem. I went on a forum & got advice that was well beyond my skill set. So I referred it to Octopus & got a ticket. Nothing has been done & I keep having to chase. It is ridiculous.

I re-did my LPA's recently. My solicitor forgot to put one document in when she sent it off to the OPG. We notified them & they agreed she could send it separately. Several telephone conversations chasing this, with different people, which we ensured were logged on the system, I got a letter saying my LPA's couldn't be registered because of missing documents. Despite the fact that the OPG had acknowledged receiving the document. I still haven't had my new documents back months after they were sent in. 

To my mind these are major failings. I could go on. They simply shouldn't happen. 

So I ask myself why? Is it the systems the companies have in place? Is it that they don't employ enough staff of the right calibre & experience? Is it that their personnel training isn't good enough? Is it that they are cutting costs? Is it that they simply don't care? 

I don't know. I suspect all of the above are true. 

The main issue, as I see it, is that Britain isn't working. When I say that I mean it isn't functioning adequately. Until we put this right we won't increase productivity, we won't achieve growth, we won't be a country in which people want to invest.

It isn't my micro problems that matter. It's the disfunctional country we now live in that will affect everybody. We all need to do something about this. 

  

Fitting In & People Pleasing

Most people want to belong. To a family or a friendship group or at work. It's normal. Most of us want people to like us. We want to be able to work co-operatively. We need to be able to express our opinion, but also we need to listen to the views of others. Sometimes we need to accept that we disagree, without trying to force our opinion on them. Occasionally we also need to stand firm if we feel that an opinion is wrong. Everyone has a right to their view - We personally just don't have to accept it. 

It's a delicate balance because it's important to retain a sense of self. To some extent most of us adapt our behaviour to the situations we are in & to the people we are with. Adaptive behaviour is fine until it becomes maladaptive. 

Humans are unique & varied. It isn't possible to agree with everyone. It isn't possible to enjoy the company of everyone. What really matters is how we deal with disagreement or conflict. Both are normal in human relationships & we do need to accept that. What we shouldn't do is accept someone who is trying to manipulate us or force their views on us. We can see that so clearly in the international situation today. But we need to be able to recognise it in our personal relationships too. 

I think most people have several personas. Different aspects of our personality that we bring out for different occasions. Trying to fit in, not rock the boat. Actually that's a useful tool to avoid conflict. We are social animals living in various communities. It wouldn't work if we were all egotistical & dominant. That causes conflict & even aggression.

But no one should abase themselves or alter their core values in order to be people pleasers. Submissive dogs roll over on their back to dominant ones. People are intelligent, thinking entities who use education, experience & information to think. 

We need to be true to ourselves. Sometimes there is a cost to that which we have to accept.  

 

Post Lunch Fatigue

Just as night follows day I struggle to stay awake after eating lunch. I usually sit for a bit & maybe play mahjong or solitaire on my tablet, or read a book. Even if I'm doing something on my computer, my eyelids drag themselves down & I do start to drift off.

My calvanistic upbringing decrees that my days should be productive, so sleeping isn't an option. I have to get up & do something. Things need to be crossed off my "to do" list.

However, I've been talking to someone who told me about "post lunch fatigue" - post any meal actually. But it is more of a thing at lunchtime for me. The scientific name is postprandial somnolence. Apparently it's caused by high-carbohydrate meals that cause a rapid blood sugar and insulin spike, or by high-fat meals that are harder to digest and divert blood flow from the brain. Blood flow to the digestive tract is increased.

We know so much more now about how our body works & how complex a system it is. High-carb meals lead to a surge in insulin, which can cause a subsequent drop in blood sugar, resulting in a feeling of energy loss. Eating triggers the release of serotonin, a hormone that promotes sleep. More blood being directed to the digestive system to process food, can lead to reduced blood flow to the brain, so we are drowsy.

Apparently the solution is;-

• Eating smaller, lighter, balanced meals
• Being hydrated 
• Light exercise to re-energise the body & increase concentration
• Mindful eating

Who knew?

I thought it was simply an ageing thing & I fight it. I don't want to waste the time I have left alive by sleeping, except at night time. On the other hand my nights are very disturbed & I wake a lot & don't get prolonged restful sleep. 

So I'm now thinking I should look at time differently. Just follow my circadian rhythm. I should listen to my master clock in the suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN) of the brain. 

 

I don't think my body likes the current routines my brain has created.  

 

Dumbing Down - The BBC

Radio 4 "Today" & "PM" bookend my day for reliable news & informed comment. This morning "Today" closed with Taylor Swift singing a song to mark the fact that she has announced her engagement. Really? Is this appropriate use of broadcast time. Especially as they often cut interesting interviews short because their timetable is so tight. 

Whatever were programme producers thinking? Personally I really couldn't give a toss that she has become engaged, let alone listen to minutes of a whole song. Had they just run out of real news? Similarly, is a serious news & commentary programme the place to trail other BBC programmes?

Possibly they thought a happy song & event would be "good" news. Serious miscalculation. We do need positive news, but not pop culture ephemera. We need genuine good news about things that are working, innovations that may mitigate climate change, political moves that might really impact the dire international situation.

My family didn't get a TV until after the coronation of queen Elizabeth, but we did have a radio. There were nothing like the number of stations & channels to choose from until relatively recently in my lifetime. The BBC & "public service broadcasting" was & still should be a lifeline of truth & relevance. 

Change is unavoidable, we do need to move forward as technology & the world changes. But do we really want to pander to the soundbite generation with the attention span of a gnat? Should public service broadcasters be forced into the mould of other providers?

 

I don't know how much research there has been into the capacity of the public to listen or watch content driven, fact checked, programmes. Maybe it is a niche market. But, I'm sure that, today, more than ever, it is necessary that the BBC provides it. Because, apart form a few excellent factual / documentary programmes across UK channels, we are being drip fed reality rubbish. Just look at the Radio Times if you don't believe me..

Reality programmes & sport are the modern day Roman gladiatorial equivalent. Relatively cheap to produce & engaging big audiences. That is the key to success - audience numbers. Especially for the channels that have advertising. 

That is what has always & hopefully will always make the BBC unique. We value it enough to pay for it. 

If that ends we will follow the USA into the oblivion of ratings driven, advertising heavy, mush. 

River of Life - The Cunliffe Report & Us

Adults should drink 2 - 2.5 litres of water a day. Afraid I don't, but I do probably drink that much tea, with a coffee thrown in first thing. On the other hand approximately 2.2 billion people worldwide lack access to safe drinking water. 115 million people rely on surface water. 3.5 billion people lack safely managed sanitation, and 419 million practice open defecation. 

No river in England is free from pollution, with only 14% of England's rivers in good ecological health, and 83% show high levels of sewage and agricultural pollution. The Cunliffe Review, published in June this year, exposes just how bad things are in England & Wales & just how Ofwat, the Environment Agency, the Drinking Water Inspectorate, Natural England and Natural Resources Wales have let us all down, 36 years after privatisation by the conservatives under Mrs Thatcher. A privatised system needs strong regulators, but that hasn't happened, not just in the water industry. Cunliffe makes 88 recommendations. That shows just how bad things have been allowed to get. 

 

We have made the mistake of taking plentiful clean water for granted. We waste huge amounts, as do the water companies in leaks, because the infrastructure hasn't been maintained properly. But in comparison to much of the world we are so lucky. We have allowed our rivers, lakes & seas to be polluted to the point where it is unsafe to swim in them & some are effectively dead. 

We have all taken our eye off the ball, but the regulators & the politicians are culpable. What the hell have they been doing for 36 years? Basically they have allowed privatisation to run down what was a profitable, reasonably well run, industry to drain away vital income into the pockets of hugely well paid senior managers & shareholders. I actually think it is criminal. 

Now the public will have to pay. Again. 

  

 

Empty phrases - "How Are You"?

The art of conversation seems to be becoming very formulaic. I am really fed up with listening to radio 4 programmes where interviewees monotonously say "thank you for having me" & "how are you"? to the interviewer. Neither party is there for a friendly conversation. They are there because something is newsworthy enough to be on radio 4 & there are questions that need to be answered. Hopefully both parties are well informed & have something worthwhile to say.

If you say "how are you" to someone I feel you should actually be interested in the answer & be prepared to give it the attention it deserves. It shouldn't simply be a glib, not expecting a proper answer, conversational gambit. We all play the game. We all respond, "I'm fine how are you"? & don't expect any real information. It's like Brits conversations about the weather, utterly pointless.

Similarly "thank you for having me". What on earth does that actually mean? How can you "have" a person? Both parties are in the interview in order to convey information. The phrase is transactional, facile, superficial. They need eachother & are there for a specific purpose. Generally the BBC does not pay members of the public for interviews. There can be exceptions for experts, consultants, or those involved in high-profile news stories, but the standard practice is not to compensate individuals for participating in news interviews.  

Conversation should, of course, be polite. There is nothing worse than interviewer & interviewees speaking, or even shouting, over eachother, although it does happen more often than it should. It defeats the object of the listener being informed & getting information & is extremely irritating. Personally it makes me turn the radio off. 

The most empty phrase of all time has got to be "like". It's a filler word like um & er, it's how we make time to formulate a thought or word. Goodness knows how it has become so prevalent. People don't seem to be able to tolerate silence any more. Silence allows us to think. But I feel we have lost the art of thinking before we speak or act. Some people just want to be the one speaking, even when they actually don't have much to say.

 

Lifestyle

I'm not at all sure that I have a "lifestyle". What exactly does it mean? It's such a nebulous term. Does it mean that there are rules or patterns of behaviour? Wikipedia says it is the interests, opinions, behaviours, and behavioural orientations of an individual, group, or culture. So I have to wonder how you become a member. How you find out the rules that apply.

More importantly, why do individuals want to join a particular "lifestyle club". 

I suppose that a lot of it is dictated by social media, advertising & influencers. That puts me off for a start.

The key to my unease is the word dictated. Where is individuality in all of this? Where is the value in being different, following your own beliefs & interests. Why don't we value our individuality, our difference? Why are we determined to be a member of a group, without being able to diverge from the behaviours or mores of that group? Why should we allow ourselves to be so influenced by someone else. Often someone that we don't even know?

I'm trying to work out what my lifestyle is. I'm old, I live alone, I have a house, but no pets, I have an interesting & busy life, I don't have a big family, but I have lots of friends, I have a routine, but I do like unplanned things, I enjoy doing lots of things, I'm never bored....

What group does that put me in? A granny, A retiree, A pensioner? Well no, I don't think I conform to the image any of those names conjours up. I hope not, because I think those names categorize & are dismissive & I don't want to belong to a homogenous group.

I want to be me far more than I want to "belong". I don't want to wear what old people are "supposed " to wear, or do what old people are "supposed" to do. I wish I had realised that when I was young & did try to fit in with others & their expectations. Now I really don't think that is the way to be. 

 

It is important to know what matters to you, not try to conform to what matters to other people. 

My Territory

Some Bolshie idiot. (I use the term advisedly, you'll soon get why), parks his car in my driveway. I don't know him & I certainly haven't given him permisson to invade my space. I'm both surprised & annoyed. It's very inconvenient. What right has he got to do that - none whatsoever. 

So I remonstrate. Strongly. But he is very aggressive & belligerent. Its a war - of words. But he is a bully.

All the neighbours can see what is happening & in various ways most support me. I need help from an organisation with clout to enforce the rules - the police. But the police sympathise & just monitor the situation. They don't forcibly remove him or charge him.

So I ask Citizens Advice what to do. They just advise mediation. But the mediation will be just the mediator & the man who has parked in my drive. I will not be invited to attend my own mediation.

It's ridiculous right? It would never happen. There are laws & people have rights that can be enforced.

Well, think again, because that is exactly what is happening between Russia, (the agressor parking his tanks unlawfully) & Ukraine (the landowner trying to defend himself).

If anyone had asked me whether this could happen when I was young I would have simply laughed. But the Jugoslavian war opened my eyes to how ineffectual enforcement of international law is. We have not prepared any better for dictator bullies. We have many leaders who appease rather than confront. We do not act together as a proper international force. 

What is happening shames us all. Ukraine is not perfect. But it is a sovereign state that has defended itself bravely in the face of terrible cost in destruction, injury & death against a very wealthy & powerful aggressor. 

If we are not able to stop this without the aggressor benefitting from his aggression we are all not only shamed but we will open Pandoras Box for future generations.

 

Reality TV

There is more than one kind of reality TV. The obvious one is programmes like "The Apprentice", "The Traitors", "Dragons Den", "Race Around the World" - all BBC. On ITV there is "Big brother", "Love Island", "Britains Got Talent", "TOWIE". 

The other kind is the reality we see in daily news & documentary programmes. 

Then there is the reality of our own individual lives. How do we process reality tv & real events we can see at a safe distance? 

I seriously wonder if we truly understand what reality is. We are bombarded with the "reality" of social media & "influencers" as well as reality tv. What we see is carefully curated & edited. The people we see present a persona & we have no way of knowing how real that is. I suspect in many cases it is worlds away from the reality most of us experience.

The reality of disaster & war is removed from us. We watch, but do we really process & empathise? When people are actually involved in traumatic events that is light years away from watching it on a screen. Distance allows us to see it almost like a drama, because it is too hard to fully engage with what is happening.

I am concerned that we are becoming inured to events that should motivate us to action. Our own lives are so complex & busy that we cannot allow ourselves to become too involved in the lives of others. The daily grind, whatever that is, occupies our minds & energy to the extent that we possibly tolerate things that are intolerable. In fact it is all to easy to "other" people so that we don't feel personal responsibility to take action. This is evident in the way refugees & migrants are portrayed. If we were to acknowledge their equal humanity to ourselves, how could we describe them as illegal, a flood, an influx, an onslaught, mass migration......The language we use risks dehumanizing individuals and conflating legal status with identity. 

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2025/aug/02/language-on-immigration-in-uk-news-and-politics-found-to-have-shaped-backlash-against-antiracism

https://www.runnymedetrust.org/publications/a-hostile-environment-language-race-surveillance-and-the-media

 

Today we have the ability to know more of what the reality of living in other places is. We cannot say that we didn't know. If you accept that, then don't you have to do something about the unacceptable reality that millions live with? 

Titles

I'm reading a novel by Richard Coles. He was in The Communards in the 1980's. After that he was a C of E vicar. He was also a radio presenter. Now he writes novels. So, multi talented. It made me think about titles & wonder why, when he left the church because of it's stance on LGBTQ+, he still uses the title Rev.

Then I wondered why, when I have been widowed for 16 years, I am still Mrs....

That led me to the Monarchy & Aristocracy. Why do we accept that, simply because of an accident of birth, some people are given higher status than others. They haven't done anything to earn their status. They may not be particularly intelligent, or skilled, or have valuable experience or expertise. They cannot necessarily be thought of as having done anything to merit their exalted position other than been born to privileged parents. 

Then there is the vexed question of the Honors List where politicians & the monarch raise people to higher status. If it were only done because the recipients had done something exceptional to merit the honor, I wouldn't mind. But that isn't necessarily the case. The Conservatives apparently gave out 10 times more honours than Labour since 2010.

OBE, MBE, CBE - These are the most common honors and are awarded twice a year (New Year and King's Birthday) for contributions to various fields like arts, sciences, public service, and community work. I'm struggling to justify why, because someone has been talented in sport or the arts for example, that warants an honor. I certainly can't justify celebrity honours. 

Knighthoods/Damehoods -  Are higher honors given for supposedly major contributions at a national or international level. Many of these are political. A significant portion of these honors are tied to political service, donations and influence. Some are directly awarded by the Prime Minister upon resignation, and others are given to those who have held public office and contributed to national life. There has been an expectation that politicians & civil servants are almost entitled to these. Many people object to the degrading of these, for example by Boris Johnson & especially Liz Truss after being Prime Minister. 

Personally, while I am always interested in meeting new people, I struggle to defer to anyone. Honour means high respect, great esteem. If someone has done something outstanding or above the norm I would obviously respect that. But that does not seem to be how our Honors system always works. The system is inherently flawed & debases those who genuinely deserve to be recognised. 

It needs to change. Titles are not the answer. It just perpetuates the British class system. We need to be a genuine meritocracy.  

 

Fairness & Injustice

I don't know why, but fairness is really important to me. To me fairness does not mean that everybody gets what they want. Rather it means that everybody in the group has an equal opportunity to benefit. It's fundamental. It's one of the reasons I think that, as individuals & as a state, we should do everything to ensure that an accident of birth does not give some an unfair advantage & consign others to poverty.

Injustice, in any form, really gets to me. So much so that I simply cannot remain silent about what I perceive to be injustice. I also think that everyone should voice their concerns about unjust speech & actions. It isn't good enough to simply ignore unfairness & injustice. If we believe in a moral compass at all, we must be prepared to uphold it, even if that comes at a personal cost. 

We humans have been given a conscience. We have an internal voice & insticts to help us make judgements about what is fair & what is unjust. However we are also able to ignore those voices in order to avoid any adverse effects of speaking or acting. We can convince ourselves that what we do or don't do is of no consequence in the grand scheme of things. 

It isn't true. Atrocities can only happen when people stay silent. 

It seems that our world today is full of injustice. There seems little evidence of fairness. The news is full of negativity. Negative news sells newspapers & gets clicks on social media. How often do we see good news? We do need to shine a light on wrongdoing, but sometimes it seems that there isn't enough balance. 

I'm not sure I can see a solution to this conundrum. I have heard quite a few people say, for example, that they no longer listen to the news because it is so dire. That cannot be the way to go. We all need to face up to the things that are unacceptable & need to change. We can't be ostriches with our heads in the sand providing our little lives are OK.

We have the means to make our voices heard collectively. We need to use them wisely & loudly. We must not stay silent in the face of the dreadful events currently unfolding in our world. If Unfairness & Injustice prevail we all loose. 

The UK government is introducing a Crime & Policing Bill that includes measures to criminalise some protest activities. This bill, along with previous legislation like the Public Order Act, significantly expands police powers to restrict and penalize protests, even those deemed peaceful but disruptive. 

I think we should be very wary of accepting this. 

  

Neurotypical - Neurodiverse

Neurotypical -  Having characteristics and traits that are considered typical in comparison to other people in society.

Neurodiverse - the natural variation in how the human brain functions & processes information. A wide range of ways that people think, learn, and behave. It is estimated that 15% - 20% of the world's population is neurodivergent. That's more than 1 in 7.

I have just done 4 interesting tests to assess whether I am neurodiverse. It turns out that I possibly am. I seem to be somewhere relatively low down on the Autism spectrum. It hadn't ocurred to me. As far as I am concerned I am really normal - it's the rest of you that are odd. It was quite a surprise. I think it's important to focus on the strengths and unique perspectives that neurodivergent individuals can bring, rather than solely focusing on challenges. But I could possibly be biased.

Further it seems likely that I inherited it from my mother, who I definitely thought was different, but for other reasons. Around 80% of autism cases can be linked to inherited genetic mutations. Autistic people exhibit differences in social interaction, communication, and behavior. I suspect we all think we are normal, but how often do we tell family or friends what we really think about them? 

Autism presents differently in females, often leading to underdiagnosis or misdiagnosis due to masking & different symptom presentation. Women and girls are more likely to mask their autism symptoms, consciously or unconsciously mimicking social behaviors and using scripts to fit in.

https://www.oxfordcbt.co.uk/female-autism-checklist/ 

Anyway, I'm taking this revelation on board. In my apparently autistic way, I'm researching it & finding out as much as I can. The thing is, however honest you can be with yourself, you are hardly the most reliable judge of your own personality traits. 

Maybe the main thing we all have to live with is that human beings are wonderfully different in looks, in intelligence, in philosophy, in temperament, in everything you can think of. That is a good thing. Difference is to be cherished, not used to isolate or intimidate people. Humans do have a tendency to form cliques & to exclude outliers, even torment & bully them. 

We need alternative ways of thinking to get us out of the mess we are in. We should all be more accepting. I think I need to work on that!

 

Cause & Effect - Lines on Maps

The boundaries of countries have been decided by a combination of historical claims, treaties, wars, colonization, and negotiations. These boundaries can be natural, like rivers or mountains, or artificial lines agreed upon by the nations involved. They are arbitrary & change over time. For example Hungary & Poland lost a lot of territory to Cezchoslovakia & Romania post WW2. Similarly, tribal Africa was remapped by European colonisers, primarily between the 1880s and 1914, with little regard for existing political structures or ethnic boundaries.

The area of Israel & Palestine at the time of Jesus was historically tribal, but was then under Roman rule. God had supposedly given the land of Canaan to the Jews. Scholars today use Canaan as a geopolitical entity corresponding to the modern states of Israel, the West Bank/Gaza Strip, Jordan, Lebanon, and southern Syria.

 

Palestine was historically part of Canaan, then later included the Kingdoms of Israel and Judah. After the Roman conquest, it was known as Judaea, and was later renamed Syria Palaestina. 

So it is complicated. Both Israel & Palestine have a legitimate claim to the land. But the thing is that borders do not exist in the landscape in reality. They are created by people, usually men, with vested interests. They are fluid & change over time. Once we create borders we create conflict & the cycle of fighting for territory begins. It is a male thing. Generally women fight to defend people, not territory.

 

In microcosm we put boundaries around our houses - fences, walls & hedges. We are in effect saying this is mine, keep off unless I invite you in. Land ownership is at the root of class hierarchy, the aristocracy, the middle classes & the working class. Britain is probably still one of the most class ridden societies in the world, apart from India, which has the caste system.

 

The territorial dispute between Israel & Palestine has been ongoing for a very long time. Logic says that there needs to be a negotiated settlement about a 2 state solution. But attitudes on both sides are entrenched. Politics & religious zealotry has mired logical discussion in a morass. So a solution seems a long way off.

 

In the meantime Gaza is almost totally destroyed & the death & injury toll is unacceptable - at least 59,029 people killed and 142,135 wounded. Putin continues to be at war with Ukraine. There is civil war in Sudan, Ethiopia, Myanmar & the Sahel. The rest of the world seems unable to impose logic on anyone.

 

This does not simply affect the warring countries. The impact is worldwide. Peace is in everyone's interest. 

 

 

Denial

Denial - The refusal to acknowledge or accept the truth of something despite evidence to the contrary. It's a psychological defense mechanism where individuals unconsciously avoid confronting painful or uncomfortable realities. For example, refusing to admit to a personal problem like addiction or rejecting the reality of a traumatic event. Our brain is remarkable & can prevent unpleasant or anxiety-provoking thoughts and feelings from reaching conscious awareness. Sometimes denial can help us to process the initial shock of trauma or loss. While denial can give temporary relief, it can also be detrimental in the long run. 

Plausible Deniability -  Politicians & people in power use this to deny knowledge or responsibility for actions, even if they were involved or had knowledge, by creating ambiguity, (ergo lying), or using indirect language creating doubt. This allows them to distance themselves from potentially damaging consequences, while still benefiting from the action. I'm sure you can think of examples.

Denialism - A phenomenon that goes beyond individual denial. It is the rejection of established facts and evidence, often for ideological or political reasons, e.g. Holocaust denial. 

Individuals can be in denial about personal life experiences or macro events. I may not want to accept that I have a serious illness or have done something very wrong or harmful. I may be misled by spurious conspiracy theories about world events, the death of President Kennedy for example. There may be plenty of evidence supporting the truth & precious little supporting the conspiracy theorists, but my brain does not want to accept the truth. It is easier to believe something else for some reason. There may well be conspiracies going on in the world, but there is also a huge amount of misinformation & downright lies, often spread by social media. 

We live in an information age where access to facts & evidence is easy because of technology. But that access works both ways, we also have immediate access to post truth information designed to mislead. Some politicians & political parties rely on that to stay in power. There have been huge international corporations that have had a very questionable relationship with truth, the Sackler family & the OxyContin scandal for example. Or closer to home the Post Office scandal. 

More & more it is our responsibility to verify what we believe to be the truth. We have the tools. We should all use them.

 

Or we will be lambs to the slaughter - possibly literally. 

Famine - Genocide - Ethnic Cleansing - You Decide

Famine - The most severe kind of hunger crisis. Extreme widespread scarcity of food. Not enough food for a great number of people, causing illness and death - children and adults within a certain area dying of hunger on a daily basis. Famine is preventable and, therefore, a choice. 

 

Genocide - coined in 1944 genos, meaning race or tribe, and the Latin suffix cide, meaning killing. Systematic murder, targeted actions aimed at the destruction of particular groups of people. An international crime. 

Ethnic Cleansing - coined after the 1990’s conflict in the former Yugoslavia. Not yet recognized as an independent crime under international law, why? Possibly because there is no precise definition of the concept or the exact acts to be qualified as ethnic cleansing. Interim report S/25274 defined as "… rendering an area ethnically homogeneous by using force or intimidation to remove persons of given groups from the area." In report S/1994/674 the same Commission described ethnic cleansing as “… a purposeful policy designed by one ethnic or religious group to remove by violent and terror-inspiring means the civilian population of another ethnic or religious group from certain geographic areas.” The Comission of Experts stated that coercive practices used to remove the civilian population can include: murder, torture, arbitrary arrest and detention, extrajudicial executions, rape and sexual assaults, severe physical injury to civilians, confinement of civilian population in ghetto areas, forcible removal, displacement and deportation of civilian population, deliberate military attacks or threats of attacks on civilians and civilian areas, use of civilians as human shields, destruction of property, robbery of personal property, attacks on hospitals, medical personnel, and locations with the Red Cross/Red Crescent emblem, among others.

https://www.un.org/en/genocide-prevention/definition

I simply can't see that any of this does not apply to what the Israeli government & IDF are doing in Gaza & the West Bank. Please note, I have not said Israeli's or Jews, because I do not believe that what is being done is in the name of all Israeli's or Jews. There is dissent against the way this war has been fought. There are moderate people who are standing up against the actions of an extreme right wing section of the Israeli population. 

What I do not understand or condone is that the international community seems to, yet again, be watching on the sidelines, as it did in Jugoslavia. What is the point of international law if it isn't enforced? What is the point of the United Nations if it allows veto's by vested interests & bad actors to stand in the way of justice? 

Can't Stand the Heat

We have quite a few sayings about heat - "if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen", "the heat of the moment", "the white heat of technology", "as hot as hell".....  We have a very mixed relationship to heat, sun & heatwaves. Some love it. I actually dread it because, like many elderly people, I find it really difficult to cope with. I have to virtually shutdown & stay in the coolest room in my house which is North facing. 

We are now experiencing the third successive heatwave this summer in the UK. We have amber heat alerts with temperatures in the 30's & 3 areas now have hosepipe bans. The highest temperature so far was 34.7 degrees. According to RoSPA “Heat is no longer just a holiday perk, it’s a growing public health risk".

If you have pre-existing health conditions heat exacerbates the symptoms. Conditions like heart disease, respiratory problems, kidney issues, and diabetes can be worsened, leading to a higher risk of complications and even death.The body's attempt to cool down during heat exposure puts extra strain on the heart, potentially leading to chest pain, heart attack, or even heart failure in individuals with pre-existing heart conditions. Hot weather can worsen breathing difficulties & reduce oxygen intake. Heat and dehydration can strain the kidneys, potentially leading to acute kidney injury, especially in individuals with existing kidney problems. Some medications, such as diuretics, beta-blockers, and drugs for mental health, can interfere with the body's ability to regulate temperature and maintain proper fluid balance, making people more vulnerable to heat-related illnesses.

People like me with chronic health conditions need to take extra precautions during heatwaves, such as staying hydrated, avoiding strenuous activity, and seeking shade or air-conditioned environments. Actually I find there is no choice, because I simply do not have the capacity to do anything even slightly energetic. So the ironing remains unironed, the plants aren't watered, the bed is never made & the washing up sits and looks mockingly at me.

But I don't mind that. It will all get done eventually. What I mind is the enforced inactivity. The constant discomfort. 

But I am fortunate because I can & do swim, which is a temporary respite & makes sure I do get some exercise. I have family living nearby & friends who keep in touch. So many people are struggling with the results of climate change who aren't as lucky. 

The Climate Emergency needs to be taken far more seriously by everyone. We can see the evidence clearly, not least in the wildfire statistics. 

https://gwis.jrc.ec.europa.eu/apps/gwis_current_situation/index.html

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0m9gm3jwljo 

Heat is a killer, in more ways than one. 

 

Homelessness

My husband & I started married life in a rented council terraced property in Bracknell. When our daughter was born we had enough money for a deposit on a semi detached house & could just about afford the mortgage. It was a financial stretch & there were weeks when we had egg & chips several times for supper.

Over our life together we moved up the property ladder as we both had professional jobs & our salaries increased. We ended up in a valuable property & mortgage free. We both worked hard, but we were so lucky.

Homelessness in the UK is a blight on all of us. We are a relatively wealthy nation, yet we seem to tolerate this epidemic. In March 2025, an estimated 3,438 people were sleeping rough on a single night in England. This represents a 2% increase since December 2024 and an 11% increase compared to the same period last year. There are other forms of homelessness, such as those in temporary accommodation, which brings the total number of homeless people to at least 354,000.  

Poverty, unemployment, lack of affordable housing, relationship breakdown and systemic barriers in welfare support are understood to be significant systemic primary drivers of rough sleeping. These underlying causes can often be exacerbated by personal vulnerabilities like poor health or substance use.

Poverty can arise from low wages, unemployment, and the rising cost of living, making it impossible for some to afford basic necessities like housing. Low-income individuals and families can't find suitable, secure & affordable accommodation to rent or buy. Eviction from private rentals, often due to rising costs or 'no-fault' evictions, is a major trigger for homelessness. Cuts to welfare benefits and inadequate support systems can leave vulnerable individuals with limited resources to meet their basic needs and prevent homelessness. Family or relationship conflicts, domestic violence, and the loss of a support network can lead to sudden homelessness. Mental health problems and substance abuse can significantly impair an individual's ability to manage daily life, maintain employment, and secure housing. Young people leaving the care system often lack the necessary support network to transition to independent living, making them vulnerable. Individuals leaving prison may face challenges finding housing and employment.

https://www.crisis.org.uk/ending-homelessness/about-homelessness/causes-of-homelessness/ 

It isn't a simple problem to solve. We need more affordable social housing. Charities like the Salvation Army have innovative projects like "Nap Pads" https://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/homelessness/nap-pads

 

Rough sleeping will be decriminalised next year under government plans to scrap the 200-year-old Vagrancy Act which outlaws rough sleeping in England and Wales. Given all the drivers of homelessness & rough sleeping I think this should have happened ages ago. 

There are undoubtedly people on the streets who cause a nuisance due to associated behaviours like begging, street drinking & anti social actions, which can negatively impact communities. But I have seen anti social behaviours by non rough sleepers too, far too often. People can be needlessly confrontational & aggressive, rude & abusive, in public. Dealing with bad behaviour is very difficult & it is all too common. I have had intimidating neighbours I actually thought were capable of violence.

We should also consider the many people living in unacceptable, mainly rented, housing. In 2022-23, approximately 3.5 million households (14%) in England lived in homes that failed to meet the Decent Homes Standard, according to the Gov.uk website. This includes 2.1 million households (9%) with at least one Category 1 hazard and 1.0 million households (4%) with damp.

Human beings are such a mixed bunch. We need to learn what to tolerate & what to confront. We also probably need a dose of empathy & understanding for the many people less fortunate than we are. I do worry about the knee jerk, very right wing, political responses to problems like this because we are in dire financial straits as a country because of poor previous political decision making. 

As humans we need to learn to care for people. Homelessness isn't a "lifestyle choice". We shouldn't just pass by on the other side of the road like the Priest & the Levite in the story of the Good Samaritan. 

 

Life & Tennis

I learned to play games at grammar school - netball, hockey & my favourite, tennis. I can't remember when I started watching Wimbledon, but I do clearly remember the Rosewall / Laver era in the 60s & 70s. I really got bored knowing that Laver was going to win almost every time. I also remember the beginning of the open era in 1968. I have been lucky to watch decades of tennis in which the game has changed in every way possible, not always for the better in my opinion. I got very fed up when the hard serving, baseline, game came in & there was very little nuance or skill. Just blasting your opponent off the court - Not engaging to watch. 

Watching tennis has taught me that there is far more to sport than physical fitness. Tennis is a game of the mind, psychology is really important. Personality matters. Not as some sort of icon, but in the sense of how you win. You do need to be competetive, but you also need to respect your opponent.

Among other good matches I've watched this week, the Cilic / Draper game has stood out. It was wonderful to see Cilic triumph over the difficulties he has had for a couple of years. You had to admire such skill & determination. 

Life is a game of tennis in many ways, full of challenges & opportunities. You have to be able to adapt to the unexpected. You have to persevere & fight back in adversity. You aren't necessarily in control. If you make mistakes & fail - and you will, you have to be resilient & learn from every experience. Moving forward with enthusiasm is more positive than looking back to the past with regret.

I'm not a fan of the change in rules that allows coaching from the box during a match which started last year. The point of tennis for me, especially singles, is that its a test for each player to show what they are capable of on their own. I'm also always disappointed when players, usually when they are losing, take a very long "comfort break" in order to upset their opponents rhythm. I remember the eras of skill & personality. The current trend to fist bump at every point won & look to the box for approval sets my teeth on edge. Watching good players who just get on with the game, like Fritz & Alcaraz is so much more in the spirit of sportsmanship. 

What is important, in tennis & in life, is how you win. Not to win at all costs.